


Change-Thing

by Davechicken



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-18
Updated: 2017-03-18
Packaged: 2018-10-07 02:29:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 745
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10350408
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Davechicken/pseuds/Davechicken
Summary: Kylo is feeling melancholy.





	

Kylo sits, running his hands over his mask. He still keeps it, and he probably always will. It’s a reminder, and a promise. A temptation, sitting there in easy reach, and every time he doesn’t slide it over his face is another proof positive that he doesn’t need the crutch any more.

(Even if it would be easier, some days, to slam on the visage and scream out his frustration. To slice through soft metal, to terrify people in the hopes of impressing himself…)

The ‘fresher door opens, and his lover pads out, towel around his hips, an arch to his brow. The water droplets pearl darkly over his close-shorn hair, and Kylo watches them trail down his cheeks like unwept tears.

“You okay?”  


“Yes,” he says, which is true and not in equal measure.  


“Wanna talk about it, or be distracted?”  


Finn is indeed a distraction, but some pains and worries need speaking, so their power diminishes in the air. 

“You know… the first time we met?” Kylo starts.  


“I know the first time we _talked_.”  


“Before that. In the village.”  


“Wouldn’t so much call it meeting, but… I wasn’t sure you’d remembered.”  


“I met you, but you didn’t meet me,” Kylo allows. “I could feel your revulsion, your fear. You hated me, in that moment. And the second time even more.”  


“I don’t hate you now.”  


“But then…” He holds up the mask. “You hated this, and then you hated what was underneath.”  


“Things changed. _You_ changed. Pretty sure you hated me and Rey back then. Sure as hell felt like it.”  


For months, no doubt, as the scar healed. Kylo winces, and his eyes flicker down. “You were right to hate me.”

“Maybe then, but not now. And even… look. I’m no Jedi, and I’m no lawman. I can’t say what’s ultimately right, or wrong, but I gotta believe people can change. Force, didn’t we both?”  


“You changed first. You had that option, that… choice… and no real power over your own life at all. You were no one to the Order, and you were everyone once you left.”  


Finn walks in properly, and sits beside him. A heavy hand is warm on the back of his neck, pulling his head to knock to his own. “I was a no one, and that’s how I got out. It was harder for you, but you still did it. And that’s not a nothing.”

Not a nothing. What an odd way to think of himself. Not a nothing. It might be easier to think of than anything more positive, though, so he puts that thought deep inside. 

“I hated you, too, then,” Kylo admits. “I hated you because you were everything that my whole childhood I’d wanted to be. _Good_. You just… are good, Finn.”  


“I got demons, too, you know. But you should know I don’t _want_ some other kind of you. I got _this_ you. And this you is brave, and kind, and smart.”  


And a mass-murderer. How could Finn ever possibly want to be with him? After all he’s done…

“I wish I’d come with you. I wish… I wish so many things.” So many things Kylo would do over.  


“But you can’t. You can’t change the past, Kylo. Just the future. And believe me, you are one _hell_ of an impressive change-thing.”  


“Change-thing.” It’s such a cute term that he can’t help but grin.  


“Yeah… look, they mostly wanted us to shoot things. I didn’t get the same elo-thingy lessons you did.”  


Now he’s being facetious on purpose, pretending he doesn’t know the word to amuse and lighten the mood, and Kylo grins. “Believe me, diplomacy isn’t a fun school to learn. You didn’t miss anything really interesting.”

Thumb stroking his cheek, closeness with no rush. Kylo feels the heated contact soothe him, and he slides his arm around Finn’s waist, tugging at the towel, trying to get to bare skin. He just wants it under his hand, and Finn smiles as his fingers work over his hip. 

“Yeah, but maybe I wouldn’t have got you,” the ex-trooper points out, and lays fingers under his chin, tilting his face up and away from his hiding place.   


Kylo lets the mask fall to the ground with a clunk, and he allows Finn to pull him backwards onto the bed. He thinks everything they went through was a hard price to pay, but if Finn thinks it was worth it… that helps.


End file.
